Friday fictioneers – Waiting

~ neilmacdon
jhc7
PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carrol

Waiting is the mother of change.  Zami reached to scratch his beard but touched new-shaven flesh. Change, he nodded. No longer bearded – no longer Zami, in fact. After testifying against Rashid, he could return to being Vince. At least until he was re-assigned. He shifted in the seat, the wood aching his buttocks. These benches asserted the court’s grandeur, offering little comfort.

The swing doors opened and Zami’s heart lurched. Ayesha was here to support her brother. Darling Ayesha. Her glare poisonous, she pointedly sat on the other end of the room. Never again!  Zami slumped and resumed waiting.

 

Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find it here.

46 thoughts on “Friday fictioneers – Waiting”

  1. So much told in so few words. A betrayal, a second betrayal, flavoured with regret and all in the name of an ‘assignment’. I expect it’s a scene that gets played out many times with ‘special’ agents. Nicely done.

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  3. Dear Neil,

    Alas where human emotion is involved, an assignment is liable to grow into something else. Well layered and packed with backstory–hard to pull off in a hundred words. Good job.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  9. Hi, Neil—

    Hey, no spoilers for those of us following the saga of Vince/Zami and Ayesha!

    Best,

    Paula

    On Wed, May 18, 2016 at 1:24 AM, Neil MacDonald Author wrote:

    > neilmacdon posted: ” Waiting is the mother of change. Zami reached to > scratch his beard but touched new-shaven flesh. Change, he nodded. No > longer bearded – no longer Zami, in fact. After testifying against Rashid, > he could return to being Vince. At least until he was re-a” >

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  10. Layer on layer on layer and not one ramble of boredom. You NAILED it, Neil!

    Still shaking my head in disbelief. You had people all over the place and they all came together beautifully. Wonderful!

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  11. Waiting is the mother of change–that’s a great phrase, very thought-provoking. This is such an interesting snippet of a hopefully much longer story (or so I gather from the comments). Who betrays whom, and is it worth it?

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  12. Oh, that flick between identities – the pain he’s left behind by doing the right thing. It’s a tough one. Well visualised, Neil – and it does look like a court waiting room, doesn’t it? I thought so too. Great story, full of pain

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    1. I don’t think Ayesha believes he’s done the right thing. She thought he was her Zami. I doubt she’ll ever forgive him. But his wife and children will be glad to see him home for a while

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      1. Oh, leading a double life – destructive for all concerned. Not least the man himself! Poor Ayesha is collateral damage in a bigger picture, it seems.

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  13. Vince has paid a high price in securing that particular conviction. Your last line showed both the burden of his role and his acceptance of it very well – ‘slumped and resumed waiting.’ A lot of story in 100 words.

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  17. Wow. So much said in so few words. So many question raised as well… What kind of assignment and how did he allow his heart to get involved?

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  23. You pulled me right in there with the characters, Neil. Amazing. What fertile ground for a story – the tangled web of relationships that must be everyday experience for people in Vince’s profession.

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  24. Sounds like this drama might have taken place in India where we are. Trials are often known to take years here. Lawyers are often not liked. Sounds like some government intrigue coming to a close. I hope the agent gets out in one piece. Well written, Neil. —- Suzanne

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