PHOTO PROMPT © Mary Shipman
The dresses hung pale from the trading post ceiling like angels descending, frozen in mid-fall. That fascinated and scared Padraig. The boy would lie, staring up at the reverse heaven of tables and chairs suspended from the roof. Until Ulrich found him in some fragrant corner, and shooed him back to work.
Padraig served. “Wire and nails, Mr. Johannsen.”
“Yes, Mrs. Franklin, one rolling pin.”
Ulrich had whatever you wanted. Until the whiskered stranger arrived.
“A diving compressor,” he demanded.
The shop seemed to shudder, and an angel fluttered to earth. Padraig hiked out the door into bright sunlight.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find It here.
Dear Neil,
I’m a little mystified by this one. I like the descriptions but am not sure who or what Padraig is. I have a special affinity for the name Ulrich since one of my main novel characters has the same name. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Oh dear. I thought it was clear he’s a credulous shop assistant. I may have to re-edit. Yes I have an Ulrich in my novel too, though he spells it Ulrick and he’s a minor character
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That’s the rub of the 100 word story, isn’t it? I’ve reworked a few pieces for the same reason. What made perfect sense in my head didn’t quite get there in the reader’s. And it might be me being dense.
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I’m guessing that Padraig is going to break into a boat tonight. I like the language.
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Thanks. I had to cut out most of the lyrical bits
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A surprise in the dark later, I think. All must prepare. Lovely story! Thank you.
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Many many surprises, I’m sure
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I didn’t really understand the main plot either… but I did like the description of the relationship between the shop-owner and the assistant…
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That’s what I get for trying to pack too much in. Padraig has suddenly discovered there is more in the world than the stock in the trading post. He’s gone off to seek his fortune
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Ah… yes then I do get it…
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I saw a Hudson Trading company shop in the far northern territories, so I loved your story.
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Thanks, Mike. I think I had a similar image in my mind when I wrote it
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I like the “reverse heaven,” though I shudder to think what that might be when experienced.
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Much like Australia, I think, without the koalas and joeys
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A nicely mytical and atmospheric piece – I enjoyed it. I hope he finds what he’s looking for as he seeks his fortune, though I suspect it might not be so interesting as upside down chairs and tables and angels fluttering from the ceiling. Good one.
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Thanks Sandra. The thing is, when you open the door, at least thete’ll be a breeze
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I like the bit about upturned tables as that was the thought I had too! In fact turned the pic and viewed it upside down in order to see how to write about it!
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Go for it!
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This piece is atmospheric – much like the photo. And now, having read through the comments, I admit “oh, I get it.” I totally understood the relationship between the owner and shop clerk – and even was blown away by the words chosen to suggest his ideas of dreams, dreaminess, yearning to possible think of something more, but not quite believing it could exist outside of the shop – but I guess, the 100 words was a wee tad too restricting, because I too was one of the ones that went “huh?” at the end. And maybe, and I’m laughing at this – myself, thoughts, – it was because you had to use such an unusual item of request in order to “break the containment” …. which, ultimately speaks to how well you made us read this store as having everything under the sun …. with that “trading post” feel. So, although some aspects are perhaps a bit fuzzy, it’s still a really cool piece – and read.
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Thanks for the critique. That’s really helpful
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well perhaps the only fuzzy bit is my brain – but as I’ve re-read this again and again, I think it’s the item requested that makes me think “what?” But it’s well done.
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The item requested was meant to make you think “what?”
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well then, never mind my confusion, it works perfectly.
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Loved the language. Needed to comments to piece together the story. Sometimes 100 words is just not fair.
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Thanks. Then the story didn’t work. I need to know that
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The opening sentence is beautiful! 🙂
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Why thank you
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The dresses hung pale from the trading post ceiling like angels descending, frozen in mid-fall.
I love this line a lot.
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Thanks for reading so attentively
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🙂
It is an interesting story.
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I like this story. Lots of imagery and a feel for the atmosphere.
You really did the prompt justice, Neil. Good job! 🙂
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Thanks. The reviews have been mixed. I’m inclined to think I didn’t succeed, but I’m glad it works for you
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I thought he was a cheeky little fellow, but now he’s an adventurer with a new world view 🙂
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Exactly
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Lovely descriptions but I confess I had to read it a few times before I experienced epiphany like Padraig. I guess he is not going to work in a confined spaces of a shop again.
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He may do. You never know what he might conclude is best for him after a year wandering the plains
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Sounds like the diving compressor is the final straw for Padraig. Time to see what’s out there! I like the image of him lying there mesmerised by the stock until the owner catches him.
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I too, finished reading with a “what?” then read through the comments, reread and voilà… I loved the descriptions though!
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Thanks Dale
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I liked your explanations as I now really appreciate the story. Well done.
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Unfortunately, if it needs explanation, it doesn’t work. You win some, you lose some
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Wonderful scene setting and characterization, but not sure what the angel is up to. Like to see more of the story and see what happens to the characters.
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The angel is just a falling dress
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Good for Padraig. I wonder when he’ll encounter more “angels.” 😊
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I thought this was wonderful. Really liked the description of the clothes as angels. I hope Padraig finds adventure!
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Padraig will only find what we all find when we go out the door
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For me the story worked like this: working in the shop was like being under a spell, frozen in time, even the fallen angels froze mid-fall. When finally something out of the ordinary happened, the spell was broken and Padraig could walk away. I found the images and words beautiful.
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Yup, that’s all it is. I’m glad you saw that
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Beautiful language and storytelling, Neil. I love the idea of the reverse heaven and the angels in mid-fall.
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Thanks Amy
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I got a lot from your imagery, Neil, and I love that he walked into the ‘bright sunlight’ at the end. He was at risk of losing his grip on reality in that shop, I suspect. Thank heavens for the ‘whispered stranger’. I’m still thinking about your reference to Australia as a ‘reverse heaven’, seeing as I live there.
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On behalf of Padraig I can only apologize. He doesn’t understand cosmology very well and believes Aussies must live upside down
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Padraig is forgiven. Please explain to him that it’s the rest of the world that’s upside down.
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I love the frozen angels. As someone who spent a lot of time as a child looking (Alice-like) into the similar but alternative world inside a mirror I can understand Padraig’s fascination with the upside-down world, but also his need to escape it. He’s a likable character.
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The story came out very mystical and other wordly. I had some questions that was answered in the comments to other readers. Now that I get it, it adds an extra dimension of Padraig’s state of mind to the atmosphere and makes it more enjoyable.
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I was enchanted by this. I can understand Padraig’s fearful fascination with the positioning of the objects hanging from the ceiling and his reluctance to tear himself away from them until he is chased back to work. I particularly liked the “Ulrich had everything until …” Those ‘until’ moments are the ones that shape us and make all the difference to our destiny. The bright sunlight beckons! Such a great piece. Who needs more than 100 words!
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Thank you somuch Edith. There was a deliberate repeat of “until” for exactly that reason
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I understand it better after reading the comments.
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Thanks Dawn
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